What you thought you came for....

I read this Elliot poem (actually I am working my way through it) and thought of you, our friendship and the enduring and deep connection that I feel to you amid the silence and miles. The line: and what you thought you came for/Is only a shell, a husk of meaning - seems to sing with depth.  I hope you are well this morning, that you awaken into a presence that sustains, disorients and keeps you open.  I love you brother,

 If you came this way,
Taking the route you would be likely to take
From the place you would be likely to come from,
If you came this way in may time, you would find the hedges
White again, in May, with voluptuary sweetness.
It would be the same at the end of the journey,
If you came at night like a broken king,
If you came by day not knowing what you came for,
It would be the same, when you leave the rough road
And turn behind the pig-sty to the dull facade
And the tombstone. And what you thought you came for
Is only a shell, a husk of meaning
From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled
If at all. Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfilment. There are other places
Which also are the world's end, some at the sea jaws,
Or over a dark lake, in a desert or a city—
But this is the nearest, in place and time,
Now and in England.
              If you came this way,
Taking any route, starting from anywhere,
At any time or at any season,
It would always be the same: you would have to put off
Sense and notion. You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are here to kneel
Where prayer has been valid. And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.
And what the dead had no speech for, when living,
They can tell you, being dead: the communication
Of the dead is tongued with fire beyond the language of the living.
Here, the intersection of the timeless moment

Is England and nowhere. Never and always. 

More from John Mayer

Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 from Columbia Records on Vimeo.

UK Slideshow

Awesomeness from The Killers

You're allowed to do it

One of my assignments from my guitar teacher this past week was to listen to the new album, Born And Raised, by John Mayer. As you could guess, this is the kind of assignment I can take on with gusto. Wow, I have really enjoyed listening to it. The quote I texted you the other day is from a short, bluesy song titled Love Is a Verb (below).



I keep finding more and more to love about this album. I knew he had a reputation of being an incredible guitar player, but I am also amazed by his lyrics and how much of his insides seem to come through in these songs. Yesterday as I was driving back from lunch, the song that grabbed me was the second on the album, The Age of Worry. One of the comments under the You tube version below said, "This song gives me chills. It has the sing-along melody of an old church hymn, the musical quality of a dramatic soundtrack, lyrics that are uplifting and inspiring, and it's peppered with hint of Irish influence."



Alive in the age of worry
As I listened to it I thought of you, and me, and many of our discussions, and some of our challenges and struggles. I have wondered if we have reached a chronological age of "worry" or if we live in an age of worry when generations before did not. I don't think I buy this second option. I believe more likely, that our anxieties are discussed more openly today, with positive and negative consequences. Sometimes discussing them seems to make them better and other times it seems to have little effect or even make them worse. However, I can't imagine a human being who doesn't bump into their own fears on a regular basis. Hiding them from others doesn't hide them from ourselves.

Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
while you do everything wrong


What I found as I listened to this song were different feelings than I expected, positive feelings, not negative.  It was interesting later, then, to see this clip of Mayer discussing his thoughts about the song. It was good to hear him describe wanting to have and give the emotions I experienced when I listened to this song. I certainly felt soothed by this song, and could identify with contracts we "sign" that end up creating anxiety in us. I like the part when he says, "this song is a series of permissions". Listening to this song somehow reminded me of the part of a church service after confession where there is a proclamation of forgiveness and a sending forth to freely live.

There's no time you must be home

So sleep where darkness falls

Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with who you are.

Regardless, my wish for you, in this month in the US and in this specific "age" of decision you find yourself in, is that you are free to live, even with the worry, if not in its absence. 

Close your eyes and clone yourself

Build your heart an army

To defend your innocence

While you do everything wrong

Don't be scared to walk alone

Don't be scared to like it

There's no time that you must be home

So sleep where darkness falls

Alive in the age of worry

Smile in the age of worry

Go wild in the age of worry

And say worry, why should I care?

No your fight is not within

Yours is with your timing

Dream your dreams but don't pretend

Make friends with what you are

Give your heart then change your mind

You're allowed to do it

Cause God knows it's been done to you

And somehow you got through it

Alive in the age of worry

Rage in the age of worry

Sing out in the age of worry

And say worry, why should I care?

Rage in the age of worry

Act your age in the age of worry

And say worry, get out of here!

We can hope can't we...

I found these on a blog by a a guy named Larry Lootsteen...

"I wanna believe"

"Of course, along with this freedom comes the knowledge that there will be days (every day, in some fashion) where I am confronted (for better or worse) by my humanity. And I am beginning to look at it long enough to see that even when it isn't pretty, it is beautiful."


Some days this is a tough ask.

That Wasn't Me

Hang on, just hang on for a minute
I've got something to say
I'm not asking you to move on or forget it
But these are better days
To be wrong all along and admit is not amazing grace
But to be loved like a song you remember
Even when you've changed

Tell me did I go on a tangent?
Did I lie through my teeth?
Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?
Did I bring shame on my family?
Did it show when I was weak?
Whatever you see, that wasn't me
That wasn't me, that wasn't me

When you're lost you will toss every lucky coin you'll ever trust
And you will hide from your god like he ever turns his back on us
And you'll fall all the way to the bottom and land on your own knife
But you'll learn who you are even if it doesn't take your life

Tell me did I go on a tangent?
Did I lie through my teeth?
Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?
Did I bring shame on my family?
Did it show when I was weak?
Whatever you see, that wasn't me
That wasn't me, that wasn't me

But I want you to know that you'll be never alone
I wanna believe do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet
When you fall I will get you on your feet
Do I spend time with my family?
Did it show when I was weak?
When that's what you see, that will be me
That will be me, that will be me
That will be me