Hey Bro,
I find myself back at the office today, even though it is a national holiday, and I am certainly in a familiar place. I feel this recognizable tension that I am almost aware of the beauty, significance and fragility of life... and yet it is also out of my reach and it is too slippery to take hold of. It is one of those days where I would be calling your office, your cell, and your house after texting you to see if you were available for lunch. Somehow life came to me through those lunches when I was out looking for it the most. So anyway today I sat at Taco Villa by myself, though not alone, and processed until my brother Mike called and we talked for fifteen minutes...so it was good.
Anyway, there is just this strangeness, or a temptation to think that I am almost awake, or almost there... I think you are familiar with the experience. It may be the almost or the out of reach part that is the crux. Maybe as long as I am looking for more than what I have I won't be fully in what I have. Anyway, on one side of that is a realization that life is good, and beautiful, and oh so fragile (and fleeting). Vacation was good. Time with family, immediate and extended, was good, and at times challenging for me. The challenge was far more with the immediate (read Boys) than extended. I pray you are awake and alive as the year begins.
I found an interesting little talk between David Bazan and David Dark. I found it interesting that Bazan says that he immediately realized after completing Curse Your Branches that he was yelling at an institution and not at the reality that is YHWH, or the creator. I think my intuition was correct that he hadn't given up on God, just the God he had believed in, and didn't know how to find a God that didn't fit that mold. My favorite lines are when he says, "yeah I agree with you (about me being a bastard), can we still hang out." and then his confession about almost believing Jesus.
http://www.qideas.org/video/unsettled-questions.aspx
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