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Brother,
I do know those negative voices, I know yours and I know mine (as do you). I don't know what they are there for or where they come from. The passage (1 Samuel 16:23) is little help, but it said that God sent a tormenting (pretty good description, huh?) spirit to Saul. Great, it's from God?
I agree with what you were saying about looking back, way back, into our younger years and not seeing them. What does that say? Not sure. (Maybe...You were born with goodness.)
It has been helpful to me to have someone (or more than one) to share them with. They certainly haven't gone away but their power and ability to control me are definitely reduced by this. Maybe sharing them is good for a number of reasons. Maybe it is a way to face them, to not ignore them (like we can anyway) but to put them in front of someone else who can say, "that's BS" or "This isn't everything you are"or "what do you think this is about?".
With some of what you shared today (off of speakerphone), I can say you are human, and loved, and honest. With the things about anxiety and the future and positions and time, I can say let's think about these, let's talk about these...but let us not give those voices the last say. How? I don't know, but I am not going anywhere, so you are not alone in this.
I can't play the harp or even the guitar (not very well, yet)... but I can find music online like a banshee. So give these a listen and tell the tormenting spirits to take a hike. And if they don't leave, or if they come back and put you in a headlock, just call for backup. I'm right behind you.
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